Cardinals Sweep Rockies - Colorado Drops 8 Straight

Ed's team is cold. I can't even say the dice are cold. The dice are fine. The 20-sider?  That's a different story. 

Ed's battle with the 20-sided demon came to a head on Saturday morning. He did not get a single split roll. Not one. 

Empires have been lost with better luck than that. 

Ed's team is pretty good. The line up has smack. The arms are army. The defense isn't awful. He just can't roll it right now. Which is to say it's a temporary affliction. He's played on a road a lot, that means other people's dice..

Wait. stop. What happened to the whole dice tower movement we bitched about this winter? 

But I digress. I rolled. Ed didn't and the cardinals swept.

GAME 1

Cardinals 8

Rockies 3

WP: Walker

LP: Glasnow

The eye gouging: Ed took a 1-0 lead on a Lane Thomas. What do you expect, I started a lefty and Ed loves stacking his roster with guys who fang lefties regularly. In fact Ed got three solo shots in the game. If he had people on base when those happened we'd be yodeling a different tune. The Cards took a 3-1 lead on a William Contreras homer. After Ed tied it, the Cards got some breaks: In the bottom of the seventh in a 3-3 game, St. Loo had a man on second with one out.  A passed ball moved the runner to third. Mike (batting ninth) Siani had a single 1-8, GB B+ with the rest. Ed had the infield in. For you scoring at home, if he rolled the odds the run would be nailed at home. Instead I got the single and the lead. Then it got silly. Winn got a 2-run double and William Contreras had a two-run triple and the deal was done.

GAME 2

Cardinals 3

Rockies 2 (12)

WP: Matsui

LP: Grove

The severed scrotum: Marathon games have no winners, just overused pitchers. In this one, 12 different guys took the hill. This is their story. It was a pitchers dual for most of it. The cards got runs in the fifth and seventh to take a 2-0 lead. Both runs came from my 9 hole — an RBI triple from Mateo and a RBI single from Cronenworth. In the eighth, the Rockies tied the game off David Robertson. Tatis nailed a two-out, two run double to even the tilt. Ed would garner just one more hit for the rest of the evening as the Cardinals pen held them tame. St. Louis did no better with just one hit from the eighth till the 12th. In the bottom of the 12th, Willson Contreras walked, went to third on a Alec Burleson single and then scored on Brujan's "outfield in" flyball which went for a single. 

GAME 3

Cardinals 13

Rockies 2

WP: Nelson

LP: Snell

The gangrenous spleen: If I told you that a starting pitcher went just 2/3 of an inning before getting hurt and the other starter was Blake Snell and the score was 13-2, you'd surmise that Snell was victorious and I got creamed. But you would be incorrect. I got 11 cards of one of the set's best starters and Ed's luck was right up there with Custer's this series. Ryne Nelson (that's right, Ryne fucking Nelson) went 5 2/3 two-hit innings which shut down Ed's line-up. Meanwhile, Saggese and Freeman homered. William Contreras drove in three runs and Jorge Mateo had two doubles. It was not good for the purple pissers. Not good. 

GAME 4

Cardinals 2

Rockies 1

WP: Ben Waldron

LP: Rea

S: Iglecias

The frontal lobotomy: Yeah, Ed took an early lead again as Waldron walked in a run. But after that, Gentle Ben was pretty good and held the Rockies scoreless before turning it over to Robertson/Walker/Iglecias to hammer it home. The Cardinals got runs in the fifth and sixth and that was enough.

Ed, I've been on the wrong side of enough of these kind of series to feel your anguish. I applaud you for being a gentleman and not shitting fire over your appalling bad luck this morning. Ed's team has now lost eight straight. But, they will make the playoffs. Of course they will.

William Contreas contributes to a sweep of the Rockies.